"The only way to control Nat is with a cattle prod, a blow-up doll, a bull whip, and a large tub of lube" Nick Daffern, 19/07/2003
Concerning Nina's goggle fetish:
"Don't they steam up?" Nat Westwood, 28/08/2003
True Romance Blossoms and Nat finally relents to Nina's advances:
"I think I'm drunk enough now" Nat Westwood, 28/08/2003, Dance floor of Snobs
"Why do we have feet? Why not hooves?" Dan Bee, 04/11/2003
A Blunderbuss filled with Batshit. That'll be fun" Kevin Whitehead, 12/11/2003
Concerning life in Sardinia:
"If you are lucky you will hear the Priest swear when he plays football" Enrico, 10/11/2003
"Roz, where's my other jar of wax?" Nick Daffern (while topless and not realising he has guests), 09/10/2004
Addressing a French Hairdresser and realising he didn't know enough french:
"Allez?" Dan Bee, date lost.
Addressee unknown, but likely Nat Westwood:
"Isn't your village missing its idiot?" Nick Daffern, 18/10/2004
Showing posts with label 2003. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 2003. Show all posts
Tuesday, 18 August 2009
Monday, 17 August 2009
Pages 6-12
Nat: "Whats funny?"
Dan: "Brain activity around this table"
24/03/2003, Amroth Castle, Pembrookshire
"What is it with me and finding loose rocks*?" Nick Daffern, 29/03/2003
*what is it with Nick Daffern and finding Inuendo?
Addressing the revulsion of pornography:
"Was it all the fluids?" Marie Pilkington, 29/03/2003
Pete Turner: "Whats the meaning of life?"
Laura Dennent: "69*?"
30/03/2003
*the Director's Cut Ending to Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Concerning the younger brother of "ninja-boy" Paul Breeze:
"They should have stopped at Paul and got goldfish instead" Alan Thomas, 30/03/2003
"We're just here to make the numbers" Evil Dave Bankier, 31/03/2003
"If you press the right buttons and fondle the hole in the wall it will ejaculate a load of money over you" Simon Esmonde-Cleary 22/05/2003
"I'll have your brain, Nat, you can have my finger*" Max Miller, 24/05/2003
*Max's unwanted proposition. I never had Max's finger. I'm not sure if I still have my brain.
"My bollocks are entwined with my boxers. They have become one. It must be my Mutant Power. Fuck!*" Dan Bee, 29/05/2003
*Concerning the disappointment of when your mutant powers don't meet your expectations.
Addressing Nathaniel Westwood:
"When I think of the Black Book, I think of you, and vice versa" Dan Bee, 30/05/2003
Addressing Nina Wilmott via text message:
"I'm in Crete with Dan and Nick getting wasted. Do you want me to bring you back a dildo?" Nathaniel Westwood, 30/05/2003
Concerning Boredom:
"Take a shit, That'll pass some time*" Dan Bee, 30/05/2003
*Indeed, a whole new definition of "passing some time". Twisted Genius.
Concerning the Cat and her Kittens making a home on our Mini-golf course:
"There's a free nipple. Can I have a go?" Dan Bee 30/05/2003
Addressing some evilly dark storm clouds and laughing insanely:
"But, Father, Why?" Dan Bee, 30/05/2003
Repeating himself with a new context:
"Butt-Father, why?" Dan Bee, 30/05/2003
Concerning unusual poker chips:
"Bask in the vastness of the little orange eggs" Dan Bee
Chris: "I know a kung-fu chest grab"
Gemma: "Grab my Chest!"
26/06/2003
"There once was a famous matador...he died" Enrico, 6/07/2003
"You know you have a P.E. Teacher who is really mean. Well, I fucked his daughter and did a really shit job of it and fell asleep half way through." John Davies, 6/07/2003
"I was that far away from a blowjob last night*" Mark, 07/07/2003
*hand gesture required. approx. 1" width, turned to fit between lap and inclinded head of same lap.
"If you don't try as much as possible you never know what you might fail at" Mark Mathieson,, 7/07/2003
Concerning an Ant's Nest:
"I've killed the Queen! Now, I am their God. To feed they will have to eat my lactated juices" Nat Westwood, 7/07/2003
"Enrico's smoking bits of the Tent" Simon Esmonde-Cleary, 09/07/2003
"Die by the age of 30. Saves pissing yourself later*" Nick Daffern, 9/07/2003
*This comment has become a hostage to fortune. Tragically Ironic now. And I have included it for a complete record and also to serve as a salutary moment admist all the mirth.
Concerning a pain in his arse:
"Jenna Jameson, she better have a sore arse, dirty bitch" Dan Bee, 11/07/2003
"Sept Poissons si vous plait?"
[can i have seven fish please]
Daniel Badcock, 9/07/2003
"What did cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gag!" Nick Daffern, 11/07/2003
"Nat, you are the personification of laugh" Enrico, 11/07/2003
"Do you know Starships Troopers when the Brain Bug bites the top off the guys head and sucks out his brains? Well, I can't eat Cadbury's Cream Eggs now" Gemma Wilson, 15/07/2003
Addressing Sian:
"Before you came to University were you known as the village bike?*" Nat Westwood, 11/07/2003
*The most infamous thing I have ever said?
Dan: "Brain activity around this table"
24/03/2003, Amroth Castle, Pembrookshire
"What is it with me and finding loose rocks*?" Nick Daffern, 29/03/2003
*what is it with Nick Daffern and finding Inuendo?
Addressing the revulsion of pornography:
"Was it all the fluids?" Marie Pilkington, 29/03/2003
Pete Turner: "Whats the meaning of life?"
Laura Dennent: "69*?"
30/03/2003
*the Director's Cut Ending to Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
Concerning the younger brother of "ninja-boy" Paul Breeze:
"They should have stopped at Paul and got goldfish instead" Alan Thomas, 30/03/2003
"We're just here to make the numbers" Evil Dave Bankier, 31/03/2003
"If you press the right buttons and fondle the hole in the wall it will ejaculate a load of money over you" Simon Esmonde-Cleary 22/05/2003
"I'll have your brain, Nat, you can have my finger*" Max Miller, 24/05/2003
*Max's unwanted proposition. I never had Max's finger. I'm not sure if I still have my brain.
"My bollocks are entwined with my boxers. They have become one. It must be my Mutant Power. Fuck!*" Dan Bee, 29/05/2003
*Concerning the disappointment of when your mutant powers don't meet your expectations.
Addressing Nathaniel Westwood:
"When I think of the Black Book, I think of you, and vice versa" Dan Bee, 30/05/2003
Addressing Nina Wilmott via text message:
"I'm in Crete with Dan and Nick getting wasted. Do you want me to bring you back a dildo?" Nathaniel Westwood, 30/05/2003
Concerning Boredom:
"Take a shit, That'll pass some time*" Dan Bee, 30/05/2003
*Indeed, a whole new definition of "passing some time". Twisted Genius.
Concerning the Cat and her Kittens making a home on our Mini-golf course:
"There's a free nipple. Can I have a go?" Dan Bee 30/05/2003
Addressing some evilly dark storm clouds and laughing insanely:
"But, Father, Why?" Dan Bee, 30/05/2003
Repeating himself with a new context:
"Butt-Father, why?" Dan Bee, 30/05/2003
Concerning unusual poker chips:
"Bask in the vastness of the little orange eggs" Dan Bee
Chris: "I know a kung-fu chest grab"
Gemma: "Grab my Chest!"
26/06/2003
"There once was a famous matador...he died" Enrico, 6/07/2003
"You know you have a P.E. Teacher who is really mean. Well, I fucked his daughter and did a really shit job of it and fell asleep half way through." John Davies, 6/07/2003
"I was that far away from a blowjob last night*" Mark, 07/07/2003
*hand gesture required. approx. 1" width, turned to fit between lap and inclinded head of same lap.
"If you don't try as much as possible you never know what you might fail at" Mark Mathieson,, 7/07/2003
Concerning an Ant's Nest:
"I've killed the Queen! Now, I am their God. To feed they will have to eat my lactated juices" Nat Westwood, 7/07/2003
"Enrico's smoking bits of the Tent" Simon Esmonde-Cleary, 09/07/2003
"Die by the age of 30. Saves pissing yourself later*" Nick Daffern, 9/07/2003
*This comment has become a hostage to fortune. Tragically Ironic now. And I have included it for a complete record and also to serve as a salutary moment admist all the mirth.
Concerning a pain in his arse:
"Jenna Jameson, she better have a sore arse, dirty bitch" Dan Bee, 11/07/2003
"Sept Poissons si vous plait?"
[can i have seven fish please]
Daniel Badcock, 9/07/2003
"What did cinderella do when she got to the ball? Gag!" Nick Daffern, 11/07/2003
"Nat, you are the personification of laugh" Enrico, 11/07/2003
"Do you know Starships Troopers when the Brain Bug bites the top off the guys head and sucks out his brains? Well, I can't eat Cadbury's Cream Eggs now" Gemma Wilson, 15/07/2003
Addressing Sian:
"Before you came to University were you known as the village bike?*" Nat Westwood, 11/07/2003
*The most infamous thing I have ever said?
The 3 Stages of a Man's Sex-Life
In descending order of Time:
1. Tri-Weekly
2. Try Weekly
3. Try Weakly
Pages 1-5
Upon seeing the size of the queue at an amusement park:
"Fuck Me!*" Rachel Newbold, 22/01/2003
*It is unkown whether the Queue took her up on this offer.
Rachel: "Do I give you tingles?"
Karl: "No, you give me other things"
Nat: "Hepatitus C"
22/01/2003
"I am at peace with walls" 4th Century Barbarian Chieftan
"We know you're half right Nat, but we understand" Dan Bee, 16/01/2003 3.30pm
Addressing Dan Bee:
"I don't know what you've done wrong either" Bill Owens, 16/01/2003 5.37pm
Addressing Laura Cooper:
"That was then, this is now, get your hands off" Karl Munster, 9/01/2003
"I was going to buy 'Grumpy' the Dwarf at Disney store for you Nat, because it is you, but he's not worth spending the money on*" Laura Cooper, 26/01/2003
*Value of Grumpy the Dwarf = 3.45
"There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't" Mr. B. P. Logan
"I work in a dimensionless world" Peter Turner, 7/02/2003
"I amsk what I amsk, and i can beesk no more" Popeye
"Nat's the only one who is normal*" Karl Munster, 12/02/2003
*Exceptional Circumstances
The Twisted Genius, Dan Bee, displaying his gift:
"Fuck Me!*" Rachel Newbold, 22/01/2003
*It is unkown whether the Queue took her up on this offer.
Rachel: "Do I give you tingles?"
Karl: "No, you give me other things"
Nat: "Hepatitus C"
22/01/2003
"I am at peace with walls" 4th Century Barbarian Chieftan
"We know you're half right Nat, but we understand" Dan Bee, 16/01/2003 3.30pm
Addressing Dan Bee:
"I don't know what you've done wrong either" Bill Owens, 16/01/2003 5.37pm
Addressing Laura Cooper:
"That was then, this is now, get your hands off" Karl Munster, 9/01/2003
"I was going to buy 'Grumpy' the Dwarf at Disney store for you Nat, because it is you, but he's not worth spending the money on*" Laura Cooper, 26/01/2003
*Value of Grumpy the Dwarf = 3.45
"There are three kinds of people in this world. Those who can count and those who can't" Mr. B. P. Logan
"I work in a dimensionless world" Peter Turner, 7/02/2003
"I amsk what I amsk, and i can beesk no more" Popeye
"Nat's the only one who is normal*" Karl Munster, 12/02/2003
*Exceptional Circumstances
The Twisted Genius, Dan Bee, displaying his gift:
- "A satsuma close up is as good as an orange far away"
- "The plan was simple like my brother. Unlike my brother the plan just might work"
"Oh my God! He's got a fork in his bac pocket! Oh my God! He sat on the fork! I'm going to tell him.*" Liz Logan, 21/02/2003
*As if he didn't know
"You looked like Time was a strange concept Nat" Nina Wilmott, 24/02/2003
"You're an Alcoholic Nat, just deny it" Richard Bainbridge, 07/06/2003
"I'm not evil, I'm just mis-understood" Evil Dave, 7/06/2003
"There are two kinds of people in this world. People from Yorkshire and those who wish they were*" Alistair Griffin
*dispicable
"Two pints of Worthington's please, no ice" Nathaniel Westwood, 7/06/2003
Explaining why he used the disabled exit:
"I am disabled. I can't drink more than eight pints without being sick" Richard Bainbridge, 9/09/2003
"Life is just Death taking its time" Max Miller, 15/03/2003
"Who is the central reservation reserved for? Because I have a funny feeling its me" 15/03/2003
"It was funny in your head wasn't it?" Liz Logan, 24/03/2003
Addressing Nick Daffern:
"Its 4:00 pm and you've had two puffs" Liz Logan 24/03/2003
Hanging up on his girlfriend:
"You know what? I've got a pint of guiness waiting*" Nick Daffern, 24/03/2003
*The relationship ended shortly afterwards
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